One Thousand and One AUs

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Post by no mom its ironic on Tue Dec 16, 2014 6:45 am

Fucking mobile didn't mean to send that

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Tue Dec 16, 2014 12:38 pm

I like it.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed Dec 24, 2014 7:51 am

I'm gonna babble about loxstuck because my brain... has thoughts??? ye

Anyway

Saivel honestly doesn't believe in the whole hemohierarchy thing, she just uses her higher blood to, well, be an ass to Jinora, basically. She also doesn't care for the 'mirthful messiahs' and as such don't got no chucklevoodoos. She makes up for this with crazy chaos majyyks taught to her by someone she refuses to tell even Khaime about, but has occasionally referred to as 'Dad.'

Even though she and Jinora are kismesises she does care about her and it's not a particularly dangerous/destructive sort of kismesissitude, they just make verbal jabs at each other and occasionally get into physical fights (Saivel wins).

In the past, her ancestor (the Madwoman) was basically batshit insane. Or, well, she seemed that way. Her large, formidable lusus became her steed in the water and she wound up killing a lot of other violetbloods on the sea, with a mixture of majyyks and her own unique weapon, to the point no one was sure if her clothes had originally been that color or not.

Her skills were eventually applied to a different, more positive pursuit, but we'll talk about that with Khaime.

I don't really know how AU I'm going here but if we're going to say the Sufferer/Signless existed, then she... 'supported' his teachings in her own way. By murdering highbloods and writing messages in their blood. I doubt he would be terribly pleased with that.

Eventually she disappeared off the face of Alternia without ever facing justice. Saivel admires her ancestor and Khaime is (reasonably) concerned about what that means for Saivel.

His ancestor, the Mediator/Virtuous, was practically famed for his moirallegiance with the Madwoman. I don't think I'll actually go that AU here sooo he was sort of a similar figure to the Sufferer/Signless except he disappeared off the face of Alternia along with the Madwoman.

Basically he calmed the Madwoman down and applied her power to combating the hemohierarchy in, uh, different ways.

Yeah.

Its said that the Madwoman was really the leader, but the Mediator was just stable enough to like

Not murder everyone for his goals

Jinora's was the Aberrant, and something happened to her in her youth that made her... different. She became incredibly powerful, if a bit, eh, similar to the Madwoman. And then she gained the attention of the Empress whoever the fuck the Empress was, I don't know.

Originally she fought against the Madwoman and the Mediator/Virtuous, but then gradually got herself into a kismesissitude with the Madwoman. After her kismesis' and her kismesis' moirail's disappearance, she was executed, but not before declaring the Mediator's teachings as loudly as she could and calling for revolution.

Ended up me talking about ancestors gj

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Post by no mom its ironic on Thu Dec 25, 2014 6:07 am

The door opened with a soft hiss, soundlessly opening to let whoever it was in. Saivel didn't look up from the ground, or make any sort of motion at all to get up from her seated position. She stared, eyes defocused, at the fairly nondescript bracelet around her wrist. DSCRD-1 THERM-2, she had read over and over again, for lack of anything better to do. (She had to keep reminding herself not to think about the fact that she was no DSCRD-1 and not 2, as she had been before. Nothing good could come of that train of thought.)

There was no one with her, as far as she knew. Jinora had been abducted as well, but Saivel hadn't seen her at all since she had last seen the sun. How long had it been since she first got a glimpse of this blindingly white hell? The black-haired girl had no way of knowing. There were no clocks in her downright Spartan cell. There was nothing, in fact, apart from her bed, a bathroom in the corner, a completely useless window that looked into another, empty, cell, and the door.

The door someone had just entered through. Their shoes softly clicked against the tiled floor, but the footsteps soon came to a halt a few feet in front of Saivel, who stubbornly stared at the black boots alone and not the actual person. Soon enough, she knew who it was, anyway.

She'd known since the person had walked up to her and stopped. Only one person did that.

"Saivel," called her uncle in a singsong voice. "Won't you just look at me?"

Silence was all he got in response. Saivel didn't want to give him the satisfaction of an answer.

"Come on, Saivs." Unconsciously, Saivel winced at the pet name, one hand curling into a fist as she resisted the urge to say something. "Ooh, that certainly got a reaction out of you."

But not an answer, Saivel thought to herself. She could sense her silence was aggravating the man--good. It was one of the few things she could hold over him. No matter what, Valon could not make her speak.

A deceptively gentle, black gloved hand (Gloved? That's new) grabbed hold of her chin and tilted her face upwards. Well, if Valon was going to make her look at him, Saivel was going to give her her best glare, and she did.

He was smiling, and the sight send a chill down Saivel's spine. His hand did not leave her chin as Valon crouched down so he was at eye level with the girl. "Speak to me, Saivel. Have we accidentallly left you mute? I'll have to fix that."

"Why are you wearing gloves?" Saivel blurted out the question without thinking and, for a moment, saw surprise register on Valon's face. It was only for a moment, though, and soon enough, his smug smile returned.

"That's need-to-know information, Saivs. And I'm sorry, but you don't need to know."

Saivel tried her best not to wince when Valon used her father's pet name for her. He knew that it struck a sore spot--after all, he'd given her the news.

"What's stopping me from taking them off forcibly?" she asked, anger seeping through her condescending tone.

"What's beneath, my dear niece." He paused and made a mockingly thoughtful face, then said, "You can try if you want." As if offering a pig for slaughter, he extended out his free arm, smiling eerily all the while.

It was bait, and Saivel knew it. But she reached out anyway and gripped onto the black rubber, jerkily tearing it off.

A paper bracelet not dissimilar to her own fit tight around her uncle's wrist, reading DSCRD-2 just like hers used to. It was a little worse for wear, but Saivel could read it clearly. Still, that was not the most shocking part of what she discovered.

His hand was purple--bright, vivid purple, and not dyed that way. No, it was covered in a too-familiar corruption, one she herself knew how to produce. It looked like Valon's hand and a bit of his forearm were covered in slightly glowing and pulsating tendrils of the stuff.

Saivel felt like barfing, but managed not to. Instinctively, she recoiled from the horrid sight, but Valon's hand on her chin kept her from moving too far away. "You experimented on yourself? With Discord?!" He had to be insane. No--he was, for selling out his family for his own good.

Valon smirked and picked up his glove from the floor, hand dropping from Saivel's chin. "Ah, but mine is... different than your particular type."

The horrified girl took the chance to scramble away from her uncle. "Yeah, it fucking corrupted you, Christ!"

"Oh, but that's not all." As if teaching a small child, Valon shook his head and continued. "I'm more powerful than you could ever hope to be. And my power will only grow. You see, Saivel, you and your father..." Saivel noticed how Valon referred to him as 'your father'--not his own brother.

"You were stepping stones along the way to this." Valon stared at his abomination of a hand with unbridled awe. "This is a masterpiece, Saivs. I can control, corrupt, warp, distort... anything. I could do it to you!"

Saivel froze for a second, but Valon just laughed. "You're too valuable for that, don't worry your pretty little head." With a few long strides, he walked over and patted her on the head with his gloved hand. "There's still so much left to learn about Discord. And I'm afraid I don't particularly want to go through some of our remaining tests."

Unable to reply, Saivel just gulped and stared at this man--no, this monster in front of her. He smiled sweetly down at her before walking away. "See you soon, Saivs," he called out as he exited the room.

Saivel stared, dumbstruck, for several moments, unable to properly process what she had just seen. Her uncle was terrifying. How could he have done that? To himself?

She closed her eyes and tried not to feel sick. Oh God--if he'd done that to himself, what had he done to Jinora?

What would he do to her?

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Post by no mom its ironic on Fri Dec 26, 2014 9:05 am

sckienced au talk. no that is not the 'official' name ill come up with a better sounding one eventually.

valon is creepy as shit and anyone who thinks otherwise is very wrong

canon lox hes been warped by chaos, in this au he's all "FO' SCIENCE and also possibly for my own benefit but ALSO FOR SCIENCE" and who gives a shit about ''''' ' ' '''morals' ''' '' ''''' when you can get more knowledge about a volatile substance youve accidentally createds effect on humans (before you use it on yourself and become powerful, ofc)

there are two types of 'discord'. the one used on veren and saivel is fairly dangerous (otherwise veren wouldnt have died as a result of valons complete disregard for anything close to kindness) but easier to control and has less of a negative effect on the subject

the second type is more powerful, dangerous, and harder (if not downright impossible) to control. it also corrupts the subject both mentally and physically, though this varies from person to person.

hence valons whole deal with his hands n arms n shiz being purple. this type of discord was also used on fuse for two reasons: they needed to learn more about their new type of discord compared to the older one and valon sure as hell wasn't subjecting himself to those tests

second valon figured hed make fuse his protege of sorts

that evidently didnt work out

along that train of thought valon frequently appears and in fact sometimes guides fus through the testing and fuse is like THATS CREEPY BRUH and he mentions it to saivel who's like

...i am concerned

valon manages to control the spread of the corruption on his body through SCKIENCE and does the same for fuse so fuse looks totally normal

(if/when they break out fuse starts getting corrupted and creates a prime setup for angst bc he ends up hurting everyone on accident what can i say im a sucker for writing angst)

lemme talk about kaime tho for a second ok ok

theyre just kinda detached? like in some sort of dream world unlike the real one

(saivel is jealous of them if only for that because she wishes she could escape)

kaime is just... off. theyre not tested on terribly often and usually just kinda left alone in a special room thats effectively a limited more comfortable greenhouse

nothing important is grown there and anyway kaime doesnt want to harm any plant life unless its necessary, like food.

also whatever was tested on them makes their form, like, constantly moving and shifting, taking on other peoples features ever so slightly during lengthy conversations and looking just a little bit different when theyre highly emotional.

in Saivel's words, whatever the hell this is au kaime is alien both behavior-wise and appearance, and its like theyre trying to return to whatever planet they came from by daydreaming

saivel cant blame 'em

kaime in this au is a precious gardening baby and i will protect them with my LIFE

dragon has been around as a test subject since before saivel, even

(theyre trying to figure out why ageing seems to have either stopped or slowed for him and why hes so hard to fucking kill)

i could ramble on about this au for ages but i should be sleeping instead so

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Post by no mom its ironic on Fri Dec 26, 2014 7:32 pm

behold

tpnd

there are Plot Reasons behind why veren taught saivel to be so cautious around fae and thusly reasons behind why she still doesnt trust lucian even tho hes repeatedly shown himself to be trustworthy which shall be explored later

because plot reasons

Chapter Two: No News is Good News

She could hear her heart beating, thumping away with astounding speed. It took all of Saivel’s self-control to stay walking for several more feet, before, biting her lip, she broke into a sprint. By now the way home was second nature to her from practically anywhere in Citadel. Arthur, of course, was going to get himself completely, hopelessly lost, but fuck Arthur anyway. Fuck the policeman who just had to move in next door and ruin goddamn everything.

Her eyes flicked over to her left wrist, where a purple, shattered crystal was tattooed. Arthur might not have known the symbol, but she had to be careful. It was, after all, the sign of the Xians, the sign of the very rebels she was leading.

The very reason why Arthur should not have come to Citadel, because fuck, fuck, fucking SHIT. The policemen were either bribed or disposed of, and Arthur wouldn’t take bribes with his stupid do-gooder attitude and he was—

He was a person, a good person. She’d never thought of any other policeman as a person, a real living, breathing person, and maybe that was cruel, but their opinion of her was hardly any different.

Their opinion of her father had hardly been any different.

She had been too—there wasn’t a word for it that she could find, for the unspeakable grief that had come over her. She simply hadn’t been capable of facing it, facing him. Her mother took care of the funeral.

Numerous times, Saivel had driven past the cemetery she knew he was buried in. She knew exactly where to find his grave.

Numerous times, she had gotten out and stood there at the gateway for minutes, even hours on occasion, then turned around and drove away.

Someday she would have to pay a visit, but not any day soon. Maybe she’d pay him a visit when she was dead.

That was not a disagreeable idea.

Realizing she was much closer to home than she’d thought, Saivel began to slow down, finally coming to a halt in front of the apartment building. Home, she thought fondly, then opened the door and stepped in.

Her first order of business was to tell Lucian about Darkblithe expanding his territory. At this time of day, she expected him to probably be in his own apartment, but honestly, feyfolk were unpredictable.

Sure enough, when she went up to his door, it was locked. Knocking produced no answer.

Saivel shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. She would rather get the news to him sooner than later, because she might forget and by the time she remembered Darkblithe would have expanded even further. And Lucian would be angry.

Usually, for a fae at least, he was surprisingly kind, if serious. He didn’t have the twisted sort of morality that many others possessed. But Saivel had no doubt in her mind that if she didn’t tell him about Darkblithe expanding his borders (and if he ever figured out exactly what those books she hid under her bed contained)…

She didn’t want to be around to see that.

Maybe Venia knew where their landlord (one of their landlords) was. On the other hand, she could look for Chrono, but the chronomancer could be anywhere in the territory. Lucian was, by far, the better option.

Anyway, Saivel had to tell the other girl to not mention their landlords’ positions to Arthur. Ah, yes.

Arthur.

Instead of thinking about him any more, she walked back down the hall to the stairwell, descending it and coming to the apartment she shared with Venia. “Hey, V!”

The door opened abruptly, and Venia stuck her head out, Trouble perched on her shoulder. The younger girl had an annoyed sort of expression which did not change a single bit as she realized Saivel was standing there. “You can open the damn door yourself, ‘Vel,” she grumbled, but stepped aside to let Saivel walk in.

Saivel shook her head. “Uh, I needed to ask you something, V. Know where Lucian is?”

“Um… not in his apartment?”

“Would I be asking you if he was?”

Venia rolled her eyes. “Well, of course not, um… I don’t know otherwise. He’ll turn up sooner or later.” She paused, glanced over to the right, then back at Saivel. “…why do you need to find him?”

Saivel roughly shoved her hands into her pockets and sighed. “He expanded his borders.” She practically spat out the word. Venia winced.

“Ooh.” Her eyes widened with realization. “Not… not all the way to—of course all the way there.” Even with the seriousness of the situation, Venia rolled her eyes, mentally scolding herself. “Why else would you have come back in such a hurry?”

“And without Arthur,” Saivel muttered, and didn’t give Venia the time to process what she had just said before stepping back and turning around. “I guess I’ll go to the greenhouse, he’s there sometimes, isn’t he?”

“Uh—yeah, but what was that about—” Venia’s question was ignored entirely as Saivel dashed off to the gardens. “Okay! Okay, that’s fine too!” She threw her hands up in exasperation, then groaned and slammed the door, nearly shocking Trouble off of her shoulder. The monkey whined audibly, his owner apologetically patting him on the head.

“Sorry Trouble,” she said softly. “I think Saivel might’ve landed us in deep shit.”

Saivel, meanwhile, was trying to not get into even deeper shit. She made her way to the gardens carefully, as if walking too loudly would somehow incur Lucian’s wrath. Too soon for her own preference, she was at the glass doors of the greenhouse, and sure enough, she saw him there, brown hair disgustingly neat, leaning over—oh shit was that the plot she shared with V?

Even though Lucian seemed like he was perfectly content just helping out his tenants, Saivel knew better than to trust the fae. Maybe her mistrust was unfounded—everything he’d done so far seemed to show him to be overly kind—but there was a reason her father had taught her how to deal with feyfolk to the letter.

She eased the door open. Lucian seemed completely preoccupied with the plants, just standard herbs for witchery. They were surprisingly green, given the fact neither Venia or Saivel had gotten around to watering them for what have must been, what, the last week? Taking the opportunity to see exactly what he’d done, Saivel casually strolled up to him.

It didn’t look like he’d done much, but looks didn’t mean a lot when it came to the fae. Saivel cleared her throat, but Lucian didn’t so much as look towards her. What exactly was so interesting with the plants?

“Lucian,” she said softly. He didn’t start, just calmly glanced over to her with an eerie sort of grace.

“Yes?”

“Ah, I’ve got some unpleasant news to tell you.” Saivel scratched the back of her head; from Lucian’s resigned, exasperated sort of look, he had an idea of what she was going to say. The fae straightened up and leaned back against the wall. It reminded her, suddenly, of when she’d first asked him what he meant by ‘giving him news on Darkblithe’s doings whenever she knew something.’

No news is good news, he’d said, completely serious, Chrono sitting across from him shrugging in agreement. Wish I had no news for you now Lucian, Saivel thought wryly, but no such luck.

“Well, get on with it,” he encouraged her.

Saivel winced slightly without meaning to, then took a deep breath and stared Lucian straight in the eyes (surprisingly pretty hazel eyes, but she supposed that was the feyfolk for you, too pretty for their own damn good). “Um… he’s expanded his borders.”

Lucian nodded, something not quite a frown on his face. “How far?”

“All the way to Esther’s Café.” She waited for Lucian’s response, and got simply a soft ‘ah’ before he resumed looking at the smattering of plants she and Venia grew. “Um… what exactly do you find so interesting about our plants?” And what have you done to them? she barely kept from saying. She could find out later so she could think out repayment clearly.

“Ah—” Lucian turned to her for a second, then back to the various herbs. “I was just curious why you would leave them in such a state. You haven’t been neglecting your craft lately, have you?”

Saivel scoffed, then realized that this was quite possibly cause for concern. She would have to make sure to hide her books better. “No, we just haven’t exactly gotten around to tending for them,” she said as nonchalantly as possible.

Lucian didn’t mention the fact that he’d probably restored them (there was no way they were in that state after a week of neglect), but Saivel felt it hanging over her, an unspoken debt that she would pay up on. Fuck having a fae for a landlord, really.

But… he had had the symbol tattooed on his wrist. (Well, ‘tattooed’ was arguable, because she hadn’t exactly been there and that made it doubtful—but on this at least, she trusted Lucian, because even if it wasn’t a real tattoo, it meant something.) And he didn’t throw her out despite the times she’d gotten herself completely wasted and trashed her apartment.

Okay, those were pretty good reasons not to leave Lucian’s apartment building. Maybe having a fae for a landlord wasn’t exactly the best situation, but having Lucian for a landlord was agreeable.

Lucian didn’t say anything, just nodded, a tiny, almost unnoticeable motion. Saivel nodded in turn and then left the greenhouse, a sigh of relief escaping her as soon as she was out of the place.

Her mind immediately chose to remind her of Arthur and the fact she’d left him completely lost, and still too close to Darkblithe’s territory for real comfort. Well, by now he should certainly be on his way back to the apartment building, right?

And what would he do when he came back? He’d undoubtedly be at least a little pissed at Saivel for just leaving him completely confused in the middle of nowhere. That was the least of Saivel’s worries, though.

He knew, of course. That was the problem. She’d let her anger get the better of her, override the part of her that actually kept her alive. Being the daughter of a dead man was hardly enough to get her arrested. Or actually, it was almost enough to get her arrested, but she hadn’t been caught for anything (Saivel repeated that over and over like it was a lifeline, her only hope for survival) and, so far, protests had been for the most part peaceful.

But she didn’t have perfect control over anyone, wasn’t a fae, after all, and no matter how powerful her magic was (never as powerful as her father’s, of course, no human could hope to match him), she couldn’t hope to control a crowd like that.

Ah, right—she had to tell Venia not to tell Arthur about Lucian and Chrono. It was… doubtful Arthur would do anything to a fae, never mind one that was his landlord, but you could never be too careful around a policeman. And surely Arthur wouldn’t be stupid enough to go after the most skilled chronomancer in Xia, but then again, he’d thought pulling a gun on Darkblithe was a good idea, so the bets were off.

Saivel groaned and decided to stop thinking about it. She had just begun walking back to Venia when she heard the door open.

The instinct to run kicked in and she got the hell out of Dodge just as she heard the worst possible voice say, “Hello?”

There was no way he hadn’t heard her scrambling up the stairs, but Saivel was significantly less concerned about that because he may be an ignorant piece of shit but he wouldn’t break into her apartment uninvited, surely.

The door wasn’t locked when she got to it and Saivel rolled her eyes, wondering if it had been intentional or not, but locked it anyways once she’d closed it behind her. Venia raised an eyebrow, leaning against the doorframe. “What’s the rush?”

“Arthur’s back sooner than I expected. And on the subject of Arthur—” Saivel cut Venia off with a look before the girl could say anything. “Don’t tell him shit about Lucian or Chrono. I mean, I doubt he could really do anything to them, but remember—he’s a policeman.”

She paused and added as an afterthought, “Lucian watered our plants. Hopefully this won’t have any serious repercussions and anyway we can repay him easily, it’s not that big of a deal but that’s relative when we’re talking about fae. Thanks for listening to my drivel, I’m gonna take a fucking nap.”

“Saivel, we need to talk about how you just plain—” Venia groaned loudly as Saivel completely ignored her in favor of flopping down on the couch. “Okay, don’t listen to a word I say! That’s totally fine, you asshole.” She frowned and walked over to the couch, staring down at Saivel with judgment in her eyes.

“Give me news if Arthur says something to you or whatever, by the way,” Saivel muttered, still facedown on the couch, which she realized smelled faintly of Doritos.

“What if there’s no news?” Venia asked impudently, simply wanting to defy her friend for (quite frankly) being a major ass.

“No news is good news,” Saivel replied without thinking, then rolled onto her side and closed her eyes. “Now I’m gonna go to fuckin’ sleep.”

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:21 pm

Yay updates!

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Post by no mom its ironic on Mon Dec 29, 2014 8:37 pm

i kinda fell into a dead ditch and didnt get out of it so UPDATES ARE LIKELY SPORADIC BECAUSE of literally no reason whatsoever i dont even know

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Mon Dec 29, 2014 8:41 pm

That's fine.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Tue Dec 30, 2014 3:51 am

also now i have way too many aus going (and tfc! never forget tfc) to manage them in any semblance of order hahaaa

and i have the urge to title something 'dead men don't bleed' but have zero idea what the fuCK that au would entail great job me

the intricacies oddities i dont even fucking knows of the human mind

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Post by no mom its ironic on Tue Dec 30, 2014 5:12 am

technically, dead men do bleed but you know what i mean

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Tue Dec 30, 2014 4:06 pm

Yeah.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:51 am

i love how i have an art thread and post everything here anyways

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 Mjjtch5

have a science au kaime

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 WvY7Iwy

have some deepness about the differences between fuse and arthur

(i have a headcanon fuse's nose got broken or smth during the fight with valon so shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok)

almost wrote valoon, gj me

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Thu Jan 01, 2015 8:08 pm

Interesting.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:35 am

your name is elder and you are indulging in your need to write things in second person rn

Your name is Saivel Athess and you are fairly certain Kaime needs some help. Some serious fucking help.

Exactly how he managed to rip up each and every article of clothing you bought for him escapes you. Of course, being a forest spirit, he tends to move around a lot and do things that would mess up clothing. But he is sitting stiffly in your chair in a ripped-up-shirt which you can't help but wince at when you see it and ruined pants which are missing their bottom half mysteriously. And he has an apologetic look on his face, which means he really feels bad, but that does not change the fact he ruined everything. Everything.

You sigh and put your hand on your hip. Honestly, you don't know what to do with Kaime. He's cute in a sort of innocent young kid sort of way, but infuriating in his complete lack of... human thoughts and processes and social cues and--it is frustrating as shit being best friends with a forest spirit.

Cowed by your disapproval, Kaime finally breaks the silence. "I'm really, really, sorry," he says, for what must at least be the fifth time by now. "Next time I'll be more careful..." Hearing you take in a breath he pauses and freezes, going stock still.

"That's what you said the last ten times Kaime." You shake your head and groan. "How do you do this, Kaime? I'm going to have to enchant your clothes--well, whenever I get you some new ones."

Admittedly you feel kind of bad for being so hard on him, but lords. Eleven shirts, eleven pants, all ruined past salvaging.

"I can--you know--make myself--" He waves his hand in circles in the air, struggling to find the proper words.

You glare daggers at him and he shuts up immediately. "I," you state firmly, "am going to get you some new clothes. And I'll make sure these are ones you can't break."

"You don't need to enchant my clothes--"

"Kaime. I am going to get you clothes. Seven words, the meaning's perfectly clear. Now just hold on for a second." When you were younger (and smaller) this sort of thing happened to you often and your mother had a fit every time you came back in from playing with your father with your dress covered in mud and the hem ripped to ruins. Eventually she started enchanting them, becoming tired of the fact you were practically throwing away coin.

And then, eventually, you stopped wearing dresses normally because they were so damn inconvenient, and who gave a shit what anyone thought, it was easier to fight in pants than the long, long skirts your mother insisted you wear.

You still have some of those dresses, though, and you were skinnier. Kaime is tall, of course, so it can't be a dress for him, but a shirt, sure. Actually, with how he's practically a twig, it's going to end up a very loose shirt. (Maybe you can fix that with some sort of sash or something, hmm...) And the sleeves are probably not going to work. And the neck is a little low. But you think on one of the shirts you got Kaime, the sleeves are salvageable. And there was one with a higher neck.

Hmm... you think you inherited your habit of ruining your clothes accidentally from your father. Surely he wouldn't mind if you took one pair...

And as for shoes... Kaime doesn't do shoes. But the rest is something that not only can you do, you will do.

*~*~*~*

Kaime is still wearing his tattered clothes when you find him sitting by a bush, which have (miraculously) not worsened much in the two days it took you to finish up his outfit.

He looks at you with surprise, or as much surprise as he can show. You dump the neatly folded clothes in his hands and shove him towards your house. Luckily, he understands what you mean and heads inside.

Once you get in, he's sitting stiffly in the chair once again, the clothes still just as neat in his lap. You roll your eyes. "Put them on, you dumbass," you chide him, and he blinks, then babbles something that's agreement and heads into another room.

He comes back out several minutes later slightly confused, holding the sash in his hands. It's a dark green, matching his eyes, which you thought fitting. "You tie it around like--" you gesture with your hands. Kaime frowns and attempts to tie it, but fails, holding both ends in his hands, uncertain of what to do. "Alright, let me do it."

Like he usually does, Kaime stands perfectly, eerily still as you tie the sash. "There." You step back and admire your hard work. "So, what do you think?"

There is a pause. Kaime stares at you without blinking for several seconds, then down at what he's wearing. "Thank you" comes out of his mouth eventually. You guess he just isn't able to articulate what he really means.

"Close enough," you say with a smile.

(woot look at these dumb friend nerds arent they cute)

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Post by no mom its ironic on Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:39 am

saivel is kaime's go-to for fashion advice which basically means she asks him to try on approximately a fuckton of outfits and he just goes 'ok' and if he mentions something (like a date with fuse idk) she goes 'dude. dUDE'

anyone trying to convince me saivel is not a secret fashionista is wrong

(nobody thinks it because she typically wears simple pants and shirts and all her armor and stuff b/c it's more convenient but she REALLY FUCKING LIKES DRESSING UP AND LOOKING HELLA)

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Post by no mom its ironic on Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:47 am

(on a completely unrelated note im convinced dragon trolls/potentially dadjokes fuse all the time and fuse is just 'im not your son dude' and dragon goes 'hi not your son dude im dragon EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY' and fuse is just so done b/c literally everyone (except kaime i guess) pulls jokes on him)

(actually kaime probably does once and he's like 'I TRUSTED YOU... OUT OF EVERYONE... I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE EXCEPTION...')

(basically dragon is kinda fus's mentor/big bro/role model/bff all packed into one)

(i probably take lord dragon way less seriously than he ought to be taken but pfffffffffffffffffft fire cannot kill a dragon)

(im not a dragon)

(nobody call my bluff)

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Post by no mom its ironic on Fri Jan 09, 2015 3:45 am

YOU KNOW WHAT ITS NOT EVEN THAT LATE BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO DO

CRACK PAIRINGS

C R A C K P A I R I N G S

RANDOM.ORG GO GO GO

(OR YOU KNOW WHAT SUGGEST ONE I DONT GIVE A UFKC)

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 FC8FGgt

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 CwvZIze

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 Er2uLVw

PAIRING NUMBER ONE

RANDOMIZING THE LIST AGAIN

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 0Q6T2Di

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 RDYumVZ

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 DOWkpGU

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 1c5E065

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 LRnmSSt

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 I4UDzk0
(20 is aaron. if youre too lazy to look at the list)

lets go FOURRRR

(think ill go five in total just b/c)

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 XX52NQD

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 3RxYnbu

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 BMjqEkv

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 CWyleAh

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 LmqgUZF

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 NF0c6IC

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 WZ3zW6Y

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 8VUgfrZ

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 Nnlxt8t

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 V3tDq1z

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 7KElQwl

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 1WCeFbX

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 IStVz2o

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 WCEN6kU

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 SvifEEl

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 FojXlNz

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 ZGmJGLJ

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 DfUtOeb

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 RV6jxxb

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 B8vHwg1

One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 UK0eSqm

welcome to crackship hell, where the bets are off, the romances are ridiculous, and sexualities dont exist

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Post by no mom its ironic on Fri Jan 09, 2015 3:51 am

OKAY so all 10 pairings ARE

saivel x dragon

darkblithe x leon

barone x aaron

bartholomew x cyrus

lellan x jinora

veren x chrono

lucian x fuse

jason x nadine

celeste x kaime

valon x venia

(also in case anyone is wondering i avoided a person showing up more than once in the whole list (and also incest bc no))

you can suggest dumbass crackships that involve someone who's already on this list so you could be like 'fuse x valon' if you wanted to i just wanted to start off with more ~variety~ cause that shits the spice of life

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:32 pm

This is so glorious I don't even know where to start. Except I don't actually know who Jason is.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:21 am

*waves hand dismissively, doesnt stop waving hand* a xenia dude

idk why i included him tbh but my brain is kinda not

doing the thing

the brain thing

so now it's like 'lox but with OPPOSITE PERSONALITIES' and im just like

'what happened to the good ideas????????????'

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Post by no mom its ironic on Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:27 am

i mean my brain latched on to the idea of fuse x valon and came up with an au for it??? and im just like

'WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD IDEAS????????'

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Post by no mom its ironic on Sat Jan 10, 2015 4:08 am

someone stop me before i write a valon x fuse story called 'a new leaf, a blue leaf'

(and potentially one where they're kismesises bc im trash and that idea appealed to me for some dumbass reason)

Spoiler:
One Thousand and One AUs - Page 19 Tumblr_lryijoUtQ01qlnzs9o1_400
IT KEEPS HAPPENING

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:44 pm

If you concentrate, you can change the direction the stairs are going.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:25 am

spoiler'd for being crackfic central

i dont know what im doing

this is the fusexvalon kismesis one andy you can just skip this:
i guess an au where humans do quadrants or something??? idk. also one where fuse knows valon is saivels uncle

and valon... look this is a crackfic it makes zero sense.

im so sorry. ok. im sorry

(they didnt actually end up being kismesises but i feel like fuse was kinda sending mixed signals to valon so ill probably continue this bc why the fuck not)

A Beginner's Guide to Blackrom Relations with Redrom Relations (DO YOU GET IT?????)

Step Zero: Don't do it. Just don't do it.

Your name is Fuse and your last name is a mystery. (The first one's questionable as well.) And you might have just realized that you have been (completely unintentionally, of course) hateflirting with someone who...

....well, that behavior would cause a lot of problems. And your moirail, being the thoughtful, way-too-good-for-you moirail he is, started auspisticizing.

Which left you in, uh. Well. You're here. Kaime went missing and it turned out Valon had him. Great.

Valon insisted you come alone, so you did. Saivel looked at you disapprovingly, told you to come back safe and preferably with no blackrom entanglements. You laughed nervously and said you certainly hoped that wouldn't happen. And coming back safe was almost guaranteed; you are Chaos Lord, after all.

And so here you are, in a fairly generic area of dry, brittle grasses that reaches to your waist, no more than five feet away from your enemy. Who is not at all a potential kismesis. Nope. Not at all. Well, Kaime is (was?) auspisticizing but... you're fairly certain usually people don't really figure out about being auspisticized.

Judging by this clusterfuck, Valon found out. And he didn't appreciate it.

"So," he says, and you scan the area for your moirail (or actually maybe ex-moirail and now he's an auspistice, but hell if you won't continue calling Kaime a moirail anyway). Nope. Nowhere in sight. Where could Valon be hiding him? "So," Valon repeats again, noticing you're not paying attention.

"So what?" you snap unintentionally, and Valon visibly smirks at having gotten a rise out of you.

"So, I was wondering what you thought about your, ah, pet interfering in matters that were none of his business?"

Pet? This guy is trying way too hard. "Kaime's my moi--" Before you can even finish the word, Valon cuts you off.

"He was your moirail," he corrects, waving a finger disapprovingly. "Unless I'm incorrect, a person can only be in one of your quadrants, and evidently he opted for ashen instead of pale."

You try your best not to blurt out something, knowing it'll just give Valon even more to smile about. "Well then give me our auspistice back."

The words sound so weird. Our auspistice. You curse at your woefully inept knowledge of quadrants. You must've had it explained to you at some point in your life, right? Why wasn't that one of the memories that stuck with you?

"But we were having so much fun without him!" Valon pouts, uncharacteristically childish, and you roll your eyes.

"Yeah, so much fun." You don't even bother trying to fake enthusiasm. "Where is he?"

Wow--is Valon disappointed? You don't believe it. "Do you really want that meddler back?"

"Yes," you scoff, folding your arms across your chest. "Why else would I have come here?"

"To see me, perhaps?"

You resist the suddenly tempting urge to punch him. "Yeah... no."

If he looked disappointed before, Valon now looks positively heartbroken. "Fine, fine, have it your way. But..."

"But what?" Frankly, you're pretty tired of his shit by now. Part of you is aware the fact you're angry is amusing him, but you could not care less.

"You owe me something." A smile starts to creep onto his features.

"I know what's coming next, and my answer to that is..."

He looks expectant for all of five seconds before you stride over and knee him in the crotch.

Even though he's wearing armor, he winces, yells some profanity you don't catch, and falls onto the ground. You allow yourself a few moments to enjoy watching him writhe in pain, then get down to business. "Tell me where my moirail is, and do it quick. I don't have all day to wait for you to stop messing around with me."

You head back several minutes later with Kaime tagging behind.

"So... you don't really need to auspistice, Kaime, really," you say with as much finality as you can muster.

"Are you sure?"

You chuckle. "Yeah, I'm pretty dang sure."

here's the saivel x dragon one IN WHICH I ALSO PUT fuse x lucian IM THE BEST AT THIS SHIT? THATS NOT A GOOD THING:
yeah i dont even know how to explain this au?

but uh

els are actual gods?

and saivel is also a god. goddess. ye

Burn My Bridges Down

this isnt gonna be a oneshot whOPS

(title shamelessly taken from part of a OneRepublic song b/c its FITTING. KINDa not really i dont know what im doing please help)

A man stood in the endless expanse of the Realm Above, gazing down on the mortal one through a somehow iridescent flame. He sat in complete silence, surrounded by absolute void. All of his attention was focused on what he saw in front of him.

At least, it was until a voice whispered in his ear, "Hey Dragon. What's up with my favorite hottie in all of the Realm Above?"

Dragon paid the voice no mind. Soon enough its owner would appear, and then he would bother to turn away from his spectating. For now, though, he watched their candidate for Chaos Lord. He'd won the right from Valon honorably (although apparently--Eon, wasn't he now? didn't entirely agree) . There was little doubt in Dragon's mind Valon would be trying to hamper their new candidate as much as possible. Ah well; not everybody made it, in the end. Still, he was fond of the new guy--potential new guy, he reminded himself.

Then there was an arm casually slung over his shoulder and someone else staring into the same fire and saying, "Watching him again?"

It was, unsurprisingly, Saivel, goddess of beauty, pleasure, love, and fertility (and she was very specific about that order). She didn't care about Dragon's personal space, and to be honest by now he had become used to her intrusions, although the ends of her black hair poking at his neck was still as aggravating as ever.

"Saivel," Dragon said, eyes flicking over to her and then back to the flame once again. There wasn't anything terribly interesting happening down below, but he wanted to have the chance to aggravate Saivel at least a little bit.

"Oh, that's all I get?" she whined and pouted, leaning forward and closer to the flame. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were infatuated with our new candidate here."

He scoffed at the weak jab, and Saivel grinned. "Why, are you jealous?" he asked, not expecting an honest answer.

"Hmm... no," she said as she moved back to her previous position, pretending to ponder over it for an exaggerated amount of time. "Might teach you what it's like to be the victim of unrequited love," Saivel sighed melodramatically. Dragon only just managed to keep himself from rolling his eyes.

"Oh? I haven't seen him showing any interest in anyone." Though he tried to hide it, Saivel's comment was a bit unnerving. She had a knack for spotting the oddest pairs (being the goddess of love, after all) and setting them up together, even if it was only for a short time. Such a practice might be detrimental to their candidate, however--and certainly at that point in time.

"It doesn't mean he's shown interest in anyone, it means he wouldn't be interested in you." Saivel paused and added, "There are two reasons for that, and both of them are me."

Dragon raised an eyebrow. "The first one being?"

"Well, the more obvious one--a certain goddess has got her pretty purple eyes on you, or so I'm told." She smirked slightly, eying Dragon for his reaction.

"Who would that be?" he asked, feigning ignorance.

"Oh, I don't know..." Saivel put a hand to her face and stared into space thoughtfully. "She's supposed to be the granddaughter of Chaos or something along those lines."

"Oh, that goddess." Dragon simply met Saivel's eyes as she abruptly turned to face him.

"That goddess what?"

"The goddess of... hmm... it was fertility, love, pleasure, and beauty, wasn't it?" Dragon counted the qualities out on his fingers as he listed them, and was unable to hide an amused smile as Saivel sighed.

"Of all the insults?... You know what, forget about it. Guess you wouldn't be interested in the second reason then..." She trailed off mysteriously and moved away from Dragon, counting on his curiosity to ensnare him in her obvious trap.

Although she was annoying, she had also piqued his curiosity. Damn. Dragon tried to resist the urge to ask for some amount of time--in the Realm Above, time was relative, more of a suggestion than a measurement.

Finally, he gave in. "What's the second reason?"

Saivel immediately whirled back around, grinning widely, triumph sparkling in her eyes. "I'm thinking of setting him up with someone soon. They'd make the perfect couple!"

Dragon knew he should've expected that. "Are you sure that's the best idea? I mean... he is being pursued by our previous candidate at this moment in time, and Valon is nothing to joke about."

"Oh, don't worry, don't worry." She waved a hand dismissively, glancing over to the flame. "You know what? If you find the idea so troublesome--I propose a challenge!" All of a sudden Saivel was on her feet, pointing directly at Dragon, who was still seated cross-legged on the ground.

Before he had the chance to speak, Saivel outlined the terms. "I have one day to try to set up our candidate with the one I think is his match, and you are going to try and break them apart while I try to keep them together over the next week. Mortal time, obviously, whoever succeeds in their goal wins. But--we're going to have some rules, of course."

"First off, we can't physically harm either of them or their property. We can't mentally manipulate them either. We can use magic, as long as it does not harm them in any way or form. In effect, we can only directly pull them together or break them apart using mortal means. Actually, even less than mortal means." Saivel scowled at the thought. "But it's worth it for what I'll get if I win."

"I can guess what you'll get," Dragon muttered.

"Yep--a date with you. Date. Singular. Don't be an ass, actually try to enjoy it. And don't you try to give me a fruit or I will hurt you." Saivel paused. "And... what you get is up to you."

"Must I decide now?"

Saivel rolled her eyes. "Come on, it's got to be, what--me to stop bothering you or something like that? Do you want to keep me on my toes or something? Because I could see that coming from a whole Realm away."

Dragon shook his head as he stood up, then stopped suddenly. "Well, actually, probably something along those lines. But I'm going to have to figure out how to word it so you can't squirm through some kind of loophole."

"Fine then, if you win you can decide then." She deliberately drew out the 'if,' then stood, bouncing on her feet. "Well?"

"Before I get myself into a completely avoidable situation--who, exactly, do you think is our candidate's match?" Dragon was legitimately curious. Although Saivel's pairs always worked, even if only for a short time, maybe this one wouldn't work quite as well and his end would be easy.

In return, Saivel gestured towards the flame. "They're talking right now, in fact." Dragon stepped closer to the fire and laughed.

"Really?" He stumbled backwards a few feet out of sheer surprise and turned to Saivel, who was grinning madly. "You can't be serious--"

"You say that now, but just you wait, god of fire." She waggled a finger at him menacingly. "Once I build bridges between these two, you won't possibly be able to burn them down."

Her ridiculous threat only caused Dragon to erupt into more laughter. He tried to calm himself down and managed to get out "That was quite possibly the worst threat I've ever heard" before he was interrupted by a chuckle, then started laughing again.

Saivel rolled her eyes and walked away. "Well, while you do that, I'll get started on winning this." With a snap of her fingers, she was gone.

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