One Thousand and One AUs

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Tue Apr 21, 2015 10:52 am

Ooh, intriguing.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:21 am

*kicks down the doors*

ok ive talked about pokemon aus at least like many times before but i have yet to properly deliver

AN EFFORTS GONNA BE MADE THO, I SWEAR?

ANYWAY QUICK BULLSHIT STARTER POKEMON, IDK

MOI: RALTS
ANDY: GIBLE
MAX: SWABLU BECAUSE IT'S fUCK IN GADORABLE (also altaria is hella lbr)
GUY: IM TORN BETWEEN RIOLU AND RALTS BECAUSE ON THE ONE HAND THERE'S ALREADY A RALTS AND I REALLY LIKE RIOLU + LUCARIO BUT ON THE OTHER HAND ?????????????? GALLADE???/??? ? ?
BLONS: GASTLY FOR OBVIOUS REASONS

THIS ONE WILL HAPPE N FOR REAL. I SWEAR ON MY GO DDAMN LIFE

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Post by Neo Phantom Patriot on Mon May 04, 2015 7:43 pm

I welcome being Gastly.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Tue May 05, 2015 2:38 am

eh, quick half-assed start of a thing b/c pinescone is taking over my life, i am emotionally compromised, i need an outlet so: otgw but with the xia crew.

absolutely nothin can go wrong

if yuo know like, anything about otgw: everything will go wrong

it will be terrible

aHAHAAHAHHAHAAaHAahaahhaahaaaaaa

fun fact: i curse way too fucking much and talk about as informally as i type

im terrible and i kno it

"Elder!" Oh, fuck no.

Nope. I grab the edges of my hood and pull it further over my head, trying to make myself look as small as possible. Nope nope nope nope nope, walking faster, walking faster.

Guy's voice is kind of indignant now, annoyed. "Elder, it's your turn," he almost whines. Well, actually whines. I'm giving the guy some credit, honestly.

"NOPE!" This time he coaxes a response out of me. Wait, that's acknowledging I heard him. WALK FASTER.

"YOU COME BACK HERE AND HOLD THIS CAT OR SO HELP ME." God dammit, Max is joining forces with him? I know when to pick my battles. With a touch of reluctance, I release my grip on my hood and slow down. I don't turn around, though. I will hold the cat, but I will not turn around. At the very least I want to maintain some shred of dignity.

Guy's face appears in the edge of my vision, arms outstretched. A small, grey cat meows plaintively. Nice try, kitty, I think, glaring at it. "You may be cute, but I am resistant to your charms." Well, resistant enough not to give in to its every whim, like some people I know. Not resistant enough to stop myself from patting it on the head. "What stupid-ass name have you given it now?"

"Actually, we've got no idea," Guy replies, smiling fondly at the tiny monster. "We were going to ask you for suggestions."

"We don't even know if it's a girl or a boy."

"Unisex names exist," Max helpfully points out from the other side. I roll my eyes and then realize that we are getting farther behind than we should be from Andy and Bloons, who, apparently, could care less about us. Actually, they're probably just distracted. Either way, I'm not looking forward to the prospect of a) being lost in the woods and b) being separated from our other friends, so I ignore the cat and dash ahead. "Hey! You have to hold the cat, Elder!"

"Yeah well I'd rather not get more lost so you assholes are just gonna have to keep up!" Rolling my eyes, I turn to face Andy and Bloons. "HEY! FUCKHEADS! WAIT UP, YOU DICKS!"

That manages to get them turning around, Bloons blowing out an exasperated sigh at my insults. "It's not our fault you're slow, you loser," he mutters. I stick out my tongue at him. Hell if it's childish.

"Well, unless you'd like to leave Max and Guy behind, too, then take a moment and stop your feet from moving." Bloons' left foot slides an inch backwards. "I saw that, you--uh--green apple. Sit still for like, ten seconds, okay?"

Thankfully, Max and Guy got the message after I ran off and don't take that long to catch up. It's one thing being lost in the woods with no idea whether you're actually on the right path out. It's another thing to be lost in the woods and separated from your friends. Even if we're hopelessly turned around, I'd like to know where everyone is.

Guy holds out the cat once again. "Oh my GOD, fine, I'll hold your cat. You know what? Inspiration just struck." I unceremoniously pick up the cat and cradle it in my arms. "Let's call it Freeloader."

"Nah, it doesn't have the right feel to it," Guy replies with a grin.

"Well, Freeloader likes it just fine, don't you, you asshole?" I look at Freeloader. Freeloader looks away. "Okay, okay, I see how it is. I see how it fucking is." Carefully, I scrutinize the path ahead of us. How long have we been walking for? We haven't gotten anywhere at all--but there haven't been any other paths.

God fucking dammit.

"Look, I'm pretty tired. What about you guys? How about we like, I dunno... take a quick break or something. We've been walking for probably centuries now. It's like in those fairy tales where people get lost or some shit and then they find their way out and--bam!--million years gone by like that."

"Sophie, we're just a little turned around," Andy says, but shrugs. "But yeah, a break sounds good."

Everyone else murmurs their approval, so we all sit down underneath the shade of one of the many trees along the pathway. Freeloader sits on my lap, purring softly as I pet it.

"I still think we ought to call it Freeloader."

Guy gives me a cold look. "I still think Freeloader is a terrible name."

"To each their own."

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Tue May 05, 2015 9:46 am

Somehow I doubt Over the Garden Wall actually has that much language, but I like it.

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Post by Neo Phantom Patriot on Tue May 05, 2015 1:16 pm

I love how loser made its way in there, you loser.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Tue May 05, 2015 10:03 pm

ok but who's the real loser, loser?

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Post by Neo Phantom Patriot on Tue May 05, 2015 10:06 pm

You are the loser, loser.

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Tue May 05, 2015 10:33 pm

No, I am the loser, loser.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed May 06, 2015 1:34 am

what if... we're all losers, losers.

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Wed May 06, 2015 12:00 pm

whoa

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Post by no mom its ironic on Thu May 07, 2015 2:44 am

"Elder."

At the sound of my name--well, nickname, but same difference--I immediately start and feel something jump off my lap. Freeloader makes a distressed kind of cat noise and dashes off away from me. Good riddance, I think, and try and brush cat hair off of my pants.

"Augh," I say, very coherently. My eyes are still blurry with sleep, so I quickly rub them with the back of my hand and look around. The sun is approaching the horizon, but it's still light out and the sky is a pleasant shade of cloudless blue. At least what I can make out of it through the leafy canopy above me is. In this case I'll hope for the best. "Mm... what is it?" I didn't intend to take a nap, but I did, and hell if I'm getting up anytime soon unless it's something urgent. "Nobody's injured, right? If it's Bloons tell him I'm pretty sure like ten Minecraft deaths equals one real-world injury so--"

"No, we found some kinda abandoned--house place." Max shrugs at the unimpressed look I give her. "Figured it wouldn't be a good idea to leave you out here."

"Why an abandoned place? Really? This is sounding like a horror movie." I clear my throat and pause for a second. "Like, we get lost in the woods, so we're forced to take shelter in an abandoned house. Then scary noises happen and someone comes up with the bright idea of splitting up. Eventually we all get like fucking murdered by some demon in the woods or similar bullshit. The end. Horror movie of 2015, gets like a great score on Rotten Tomatoes or whatever the fuck."

As if my hypothetical horror movie plot was anything but brilliant, Max rolls her eyes. "Follow me unless you want to spend the night out here."

"Well, Freeloader's abandoned me, it seems, so sure." With a grunt I push myself off of the tree and stand, brushing off what appear to be a few stray leaves from my legs as Max mutters something about 'we're not calling the cat Freeloader'. "Lead the way, Max."

Max smiles and starts walking off along the path. One of my legs gives off the sort of static-y feeling it gets when it's sleeping, but I decide in a moment that fuck the leg, it will stop sleeping if I get moving and I would really like to be inside rather than out in some mysterious, potentially hella dangerous woods. Well, relatively inside. Hopefully the house isn't falling-in-on-itself abandoned, then it would be way too horror-movie-esque for me to get within twenty feet of it.

Thankfully, it isn't. She brings me to a quaint place next to a river, where a water wheel would be spinning if it were not in in a state of disrepair, the adjacent building similarly ruined. Somehow the other one seems mostly fine. The door is slightly ajar and out of it drifts the boy's voices, talking about building a fire or something like that. Freeloader is seated on the grass nearby, grooming itself. How'd it get here? Ach, whatever. Probably cat magic or something.

We step inside, Guy and Andy looking up as they hear our footsteps on the wooden floor. Bloons is gazing at the fireplace with a thoughtful look.

"Oh hey Elder." Guy greets me with a friendly smile. "We were thinking of starting a fire, 'cause there's firewood, but none of us know how to start a fire or anything like that, so." He shrugged. "Got any ideas?"

"I doubt anyone carries matches with them," I quip back, shoving my hands into my pockets. One of my fingers comes into contact with something hard that I definitely wasn't expecting. A little bit concerned, I gingerly take out the thing.

"...is that a lighter?" Bloons finally faces us, a bemused expression matching the others'.

"What the fuck." Common sense kicks in--or well, really my panic kicks in--and I drop the lighter on the floor. It clatters on the floorboards. Everyone stares at it in confusion.

Where the hell did I get that? I don't carry lighters around with me, why the heck would I do that? Is it legal for me to own one? Is there a law against minors owning lighters? I don't suppose there would be, but you never know, do you? Anyway, regardless of the legality, I sure don't remember putting a lighter in my pocket. Or really ever having one in my possession, like, ever.

"Why did you drop it?" Guy asks, quickly grabbing it up and inspecting it. It's simple yellow-green plastic, my sister's favorite color. Except my sister is not the type to carry around lighters either, and this is my new jacket, so she definitely couldn't have worn it and put something of hers in the pockets by accident. "Wait, why do you--"

"I do not have a single fucking clue."

Max looks at me oddly. "...you don't know why you're keeping a lighter in my pocket."

"No guys I'm serious, do you think I'd carry a lighter around in my pocket? The hell would I even use it for? Lighting Bloons' hair on fire?"

"Hey!" he protests, glaring at me. "Don't touch the hair." As if to protect it, he places his hands on top of his head and pats his hair.

An ugly snort makes its way out of my mouth before I can stop it. I don't dignify him with a reply and instead seat myself on the somewhat dusty couch.

"...can we light a fire with the lighter? I mean, it works for birthday candles, but uh..." Andy waves at the fireplace.

Guy shrugs. "Doubt it, honestly. Anyone know how to start a fire?" There are several murmurs of 'nope' around the room. "Lighter it is. I'm still questioning why you have a lighter in the first place, by the way. Are you doing the drogs, Elder? I thought you were better than that."

"You planted the evidence on me, didn't you?" I respond, accusatory.

"No comment," Guy replies, standing and making his way over to the fireplace. "Well, worth a try. If the lighter gets destroyed then you should be glad because I'm probably getting rid of your addiction to illegal drogs or something."

"You're just trying to destroy the evidence now."

Guy scoffs and flicks the lighter open. He glances, doubtfully, at the large hunks of wood sitting in the fireplace. "This isn't going to work."

"Smaller stuff?" Andy asks, already getting up off the floor.

"Smaller stuff," Guy agrees.

I roll my eyes. No, really. Without asking for anyone's permission, I swing my legs up and onto the couch, sprawling myself inelegantly across it.

Before Andy comes back with smaller stuff, I'm already asleep.

*~*~*~*

I wake up to the flickering of a fire. Usually, I think of fires as pretty--because they are. All red-orange-yellow-white, flickering and changing, casting a warm golden glow across the entire room. It's hypnotizing, the way they move constantly, never truly staying still. They're warm, too, which is a bonus.

But something about the fire unnerves me. I don't know exactly what but it sends chills down my spine, makes me grit my teeth and clench my fists tightly like fingernails on a chalkboard. Scrunching my eyes up tight, I turn around to face the wall. The couch smells faintly of mold, the feeling of old permeating the material.

The fire crackles in the background and I want it to stop. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's a goddamn fire, in a goddamn fireplace. Stop being fucking stupid, Elder.

Somewhere in the distance, there's a noise. I flinch. Okay that sounded way too much like my sister saying 'Sophie' for me to be comfortable. Stop being fucking stupid, brain.

...that sounded a lot like my mom. That does it. Slowly, so as not to wake the others, who appear to be scattered about the floor (kind enough to give me the couch without question, which makes me smile). The lighter glints in the firelight next to me. Huh. Might as well pocket it, might come in handy.

Something about the lighter feels off to me. I roll it about in my hand, then shove it in my pocket. Just being dumb again. Go outside and get some fresh air, Elder, you're going frickin' insane.

Outside, the night air feels like dark blue velvet. It's pleasantly cool, a soft breeze blowing lazily across the land, annoying enough to warrant me putting on my hood. The water of the river's the only noise I can hear now, no voices sounding disturbingly like my family. No potential auditory hallucinations that make me think way too deep for the middle of the night. Just peace.

Still, something feels slightly dangerous about the woods, about the trees. I walk slowly over to the river and sit down by the bank, watching the water shimmer in the moonlight. As my eyes adjust to the dark, I realize that there appears to be a lizard of some sort lying on a nearby rock. Moonbathing, if that were a thing. It looks a dark red, scales small and shiny, though I suppose it would be brighter in the daylight.

It moves its tail, ever so slightly, and I breathe in with a quick hiss. For a few moments, it is still once again, then turns its head to look at me with unnerving dark eyes.

"There is more than one monster in these woods," says a voice from nowhere. Wait, was that-- "Be careful trusting your senses, girl."

Did that lizard just talk?

"AAH WHAT THE FUCK" makes it out of my mouth before I even think about it and the lizard scurries off, like a typical lizard would after being screamed at. Am I dreaming? It's weird enough to be a dream. I pinch myself and wince slightly. Nope, not a dream, I guess. I'm not even sure if that pinching stuff works.

Disturbed enough for the day, or night, I suppose, I stand up abruptly and head back to the house. What the hell was the lizard talking about? 'There is more than one monster in these woods?'

'Be careful trusting your senses?'

Oh great, now lizards are telling me I'm fucking batshit insane. I wrinkle my nose in annoyance as I make my way around the prone forms of my friends and sit back down on the couch.

Well, that was a thing that happened.

Really, my heart is beating too fast from surprise to be able to go to sleep (I can't even really bring myself to close my eyes), but I turn around and curl up anyway, staring blankly at the back of the couch. It's worth a try.

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Thu May 07, 2015 9:39 am

Ooooh. Spooky.

Also, I technically know how to build fires, but I have trouble starting them unless I have a lot of kindling and either matches or a kitchen lighter.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Tue May 12, 2015 1:19 am

my brain was like 'okay but lox gravity falls au?' and then i considered it and realized that it wasn't really a perfect fit, but on the other hand my brain won't let go of it

immediate decision was fuse = dipper and mabel = venia because i fucking dare you to say otherwise, fIGHT ME, dragon probably (?????) = grunkle stan

past that things start getting kind of fuzzy because it... just doesn't work perfectly past the premise-ish?

but um

yes

i've been mulling this over for Basically Way Too Long and have decided that kaime is kind of the wendy equivalent, except not really, and either chaos/straight out saivel = bill cipher

cyrus is the closest gideon equivalent. no who i am kidding he is straight out gideon

pacifica creates problems, attitude-wise the most similar to aaron but...

yeah

ill get back to you later when ive made more sense of it. it's probably going to be kind of removed from the original idea when i finally settle eveyrthing out

well

i say that

*stares at star trek au*

yeahi m

sorry

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Tue May 12, 2015 9:54 am

Oh I thought Aaron would be the weird little Goth dude that was dating Wendy (who's name I've currently forgotten).

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed May 13, 2015 2:06 am

robbie!

also yes that is why i am flailing terribly over everything

meanwhile, my brain reminds me of serendipity

;_;

saivel basically has this stupid idea that she can chase her problems away with enough alcohol and romance and it just doesn't work

on a somewhat related tangent, here are some rambles about race/sexuality/idk i just have a list

saivel: korean, (no really) bisexual (i guess i would class this as she has different standards for attractiveness dependent on gender? while for pansexuality there isn't really? idk my understanding is kinda *flails*)

kaime: ???? middle-eastern, i haven't settled specifics tbh but i shOULD, what's a shorter way to say 'attracted to dudes' b/c gay doesn't work when kaime... isn't really... male...

fuse: the sort of person who can list off like 16 different nationalities and all of them are white, incredibly closeted pansexual

venia: polynesian, idk the specifics (max help), panromantic gray-ace b/c max said that in the plot thread (LITERALLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO DOES SHIT FOR HER CHARACTER,,, wHAT'S UP WITH THAT?)

aaron: i mean he's british right? probably like fuse tbh. so white. wtf. i've headcanon'ed him as aro for like, ever
when it comes to sexuality i feel like he... might actually be, like, ace? this is something i haven't thought about a lot im gonna be real
(if ace, then sex-positive i imagine? IDKKKKK)

cyrus is in this, he is a fuckboy and quite possibly saivel's ex?

also a CHANGE HAS BEEN MADE so that saivel's fam doesn't actually live in serendipity, they live in the nearby city of citadel

aw shiiiiiiiiit i haven't thought at all about how bloons' characters fit into this FUCK SHIIIIIIIIT HOW DID I FORGET????

anyway tOPIC CHANGE BACK TO GRAVITY FALLS

kaime fits soos better what was my brain doing?? brain??? brain pleasE

ok quick summary i guess:

Twins Fuse and Venia <last name pending, potentially King> are sent to their godfather Dragon's place for summer in a place known as... just... xyla... its easier that way ok. he then forces them into child labor at his weird fake-magic shop tourist trap alongside his employees, Kaime and Saivel.

(wait but elder didn't you say chaos/straight out saivel was going to be bill cipher? yes, yes i did. dont ask silly questions, children)

but yeAH then fuse is like '...yeah this place definitely has weird supernatural shit going on' and THINGS. THEY DO THE HAPPENS.

(if it wasnt something kinda obvious trouble = waddles this is half of why venia = mabel)

i guess aaron does = robbie then because *flails*

it diverges... um... a lot, really, from gf, but that's not necessarily bad,,,

also otgw thing

it will be

eventually

i will probably rewatch otgw to make sure i get things right but tbh im kinda busy this week and the next one so attempts, but no promises, shall be made

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Wed May 13, 2015 12:05 pm

I like it.

Because the Xia places are fictional, nationality is different, but if you want specifics then I guess Venia would be half-Hawaiian, half whatever the hell nationality her dad was (????)

And for some reason I was headcanoning Fuse as like, Latino or Hispanic of some sort.

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Post by Andrew on Wed May 13, 2015 1:05 pm

Agent Max wrote:Because the Xia places are fictional
I've been uninvolved with stuff for a while now, but one of the older (I'm talking early 2013) plans put the island of Xia as a continent at the size of Australia or something like that, positioned near Europe

In an even older plan (2010!!!) there were a ton of actual countries involved so yeah

None of this is relevant at all now but it's a fun factâ„¢

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Wed May 13, 2015 1:23 pm

Sweet.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed May 13, 2015 10:16 pm

*shakes fist*

you still didnt name the mainland you weeb trash

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed May 13, 2015 10:17 pm

also fun fact: for some reason my brain was kinda suggesting hispanic for fuse like 'eh? eh???? eh???' and i just went 'I DONT KNOW ANYTHING HLEPM E'

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Post by no mom its ironic on Wed May 13, 2015 10:19 pm

max, are you psychic

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Wed May 13, 2015 10:59 pm

Yes I am, we've established this.

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Post by no mom its ironic on Thu May 14, 2015 1:53 am

we have

i find the idea of aaron being asked what his nationality is really funny and he just sighs, rolls his eyes, and lists off like 'so i'm like part italian, part german, part french, part irish...' and the list just goes on and at some point he's just making stuff up and enjoying the look of realization on people's faces like 'oh my go d i fucked up please stop being so white'

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Post by Death is... kinda hot on Thu May 14, 2015 12:30 pm

I actually came up with a really depressing backstory for Aaron recently. I can totally work the mixed nationality into that.

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