Sorry

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Sorry

Post by guy on Sat Oct 25, 2014 1:38 am

Just so you know, this wasn't some sick joke that I pulled. This was a decision I was being blissfully unaware of what I actually did to you... I just want you all to at least see this before I go into details...

Or at least Elder.

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Re: Sorry

Post by no mom its ironic on Sat Oct 25, 2014 5:45 pm

IM NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE REALLY MAD AT YOU OR START CRYING AGAIN

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

GOD MOTEHRFUCK ING DAMMIT

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Re: Sorry

Post by guy on Sat Oct 25, 2014 6:00 pm

Personally. I would be mad at me, my reasoning was inconsiderate.

Also, I want to start off by letting you know that what I'm going to be saying is my thoughts and the actual truth of what happens.

This started because this reason. "I'd rather be alone than ignored in a group." This was what I wrote on Fuse's steam profile before I asked him to delete it once it was uncomfortable. Anyway. This started because I noticed that I had literally no chats with any of you, nothing. Every now and again, Fuse would send me a video and that was basically it. I described it as a "pay day of social needs every other week." and I felt left out. I became angry at the all of you because I just thought none of you cared, and paranoia started to mess with my thoughts. I then decided to just leave and I thought none of you would care, even after Fuse asking me why. I still felt that he didn't care, I was just beyond reasoning at that point.

After I did leave and Fuse stopped asking, I'd expected him to tell the rest of you but I never actually said to tell the rest of you so I can't blame him. I will say, that I did feel happy after leaving. I felt happy because I still thought that none of you really gave any shits. It lasted a little while, then Fuse sent me a comment telling me about a PM that was sent to him by you, Elder. He really wanted to ask me for help, and I wasn't as angry as before so I decided to help but just stay away after it. After reading what you wrote Elder, it actually did change my perspective of what I actually did, I did not read the PM as "Oh, if I come back this will be fixed.". The honesty of the comment actually convinced me that I did wrong and if I don't fix it, things will go south.

I probably will look at this later and notice things I might have missed or just said wrong, but the simple thing was. I was mad at all of you for not talking or even noticing me, I felt lonely, and I decided that if I leave. I would be happy and none of you will care, then fuse sent me the PMs and I was wrong. and I fixed it. Done.
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Re: Sorry

Post by Andrew on Sat Oct 25, 2014 10:06 pm

9:01 PM - Johann: What I'm asking for isn't even a conversation
9:01 PM - ~Spoopy~ Black RX: Acknowledgement?
9:01 PM - Johann: Yeah. Basically
9:01 PM - Johann: If there is ever a
9:01 PM - Johann: "I don't know what to say"
9:01 PM - Johann: Just say: "Hi, how're you doing"
9:01 PM - Johann: I reply.
9:01 PM - Johann: and if you have nothing after that
9:01 PM - Johann: Just say "Just checking up on you."
9:01 PM - Johann: You know.
9:02 PM - Johann: Like a stereotypical friend.
9:02 PM - Johann: But at least it's something.
9:02 PM - ~Spoopy~ Black RX: Gotcha.
9:02 PM - Johann: But if you think everyone else will benifit from this confession, go ahead.
9:03 PM - Johann: I might sound very blunt to everyone else.
9:03 PM - Johann: But there's really nothing I have to do about that.
9:03 PM - Johann: Sometimes you have to beat information in.
9:03 PM - Johann: Figuratively
9:03 PM - ~Spoopy~ Black RX: yeah
9:04 PM - Johann: All I'm really asking for is to know I actually have friends. Not some people I find on a game and we had one good round and never talk since.

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Re: Sorry

Post by guy on Sun Oct 26, 2014 1:49 am

Okay. I am just going to say this now while the thought is still on my mind.

I have no clue whether or not you are all "Best Friends". I know Elder described me as one of them in the PMs, but I don't think you just leave Best Friends to socially because worse and worse until they snap.

There's literally like 2 people here I even know anything about: Bloons, because I met him in real life. After he graduated school, things went quiet and I haven't heard much from him at all. Then there's Fuse, who I know about because he's the only one that has some consistency in talking. This is usually 1 every 2 - 3 weeks. At least I can look forward for whenever that is, but the rest of you. I have no idea on who you are, I know what you are called in Xia. Outside of that, I don't know anything. I don't know what you're dealing with, I don't know your names, I don't know anything. However, all of you know about me because I'm about as gullible as a child.

This silence I've gotten from everyone except Fuse is just giving me the SAME EXACT FEELING THAT I HAD THAT MADE ME LEAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE. This place just makes me so claustrophobic sometimes, I have no idea what to expect. Here's a question that I found and ask Fuse. Before I left, when was the last time you even heard someone MENTION me at all. Fuse said about a month before I left. I'm curious, how forgettable am I to the rest of you? Before I go too far and make less and less sense. It's just hard to even tell if what I'm writing these messages for is human. I'm sorry, but I'll stop the drama now.

This sudden weight of coming back isn't easy to welcome. I'm going to be honest, I felt better when I was alone. Hopefully at least some of you will just get a text document that you can copy and paste to me instead of type, I'd rather be tricked into having friends. Than ignored.
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Re: Sorry

Post by Führer Egg Roll on Sun Oct 26, 2014 2:20 am

Guy... Should I say Dean... I went quiet because of things... I don't know if you've heard but, my mom's cancer came back, so I've been taking care of her, and I had a cancerous mole removed. I would've been on much more to talk to you, but it's actually kinda hard balancing all this. Adding to the fact I've ran out of data for this month doesn't help me contact friends in any case.

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Re: Sorry

Post by guy on Sun Oct 26, 2014 3:13 am

Well I wasn't mad at you to begin with, it was just something that added to a problem that was building pretty rapidly to begin with.
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Re: Sorry

Post by Führer Egg Roll on Sun Oct 26, 2014 3:18 am

I was just explaining why I went quiet. That's all.

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Re: Sorry

Post by guy on Sun Oct 26, 2014 3:20 am

Please don't make any confusion. I know you just explained that, and I appreciate the explanation. Right now a wave of every emotion known has been running around me.
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Re: Sorry

Post by you're not my supervisor on Mon Oct 27, 2014 1:06 pm

Shit, son. I am super fucking sorry about ignoring you. It wasn't on purpose, because I'd talk your ear off if I could, but I'm not allowed to PM during school hours anymore and school is kind of consuming me lately. I guess I've just been really apathetic, and I can't apologize for that, but don't you dare think for one damn second that we don't care about you and love you.

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Re: Sorry

Post by guy on Mon Oct 27, 2014 3:40 pm

I can't really make a decision on what to do right now.

I read every last bit of what you all have said about this, and the only thing I can do is just wait and see how I feel. Chances are things will be fine, I never actually heard this much honesty from this site.

I know that none of you can help if something personal is happening or just too busy to talk. I've just been in the dark for so long here. It starts to eat away at my trust and things just go downhill from there.
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Re: Sorry

Post by you're not my supervisor on Mon Oct 27, 2014 4:11 pm

I know. I know what that's like, and I understand. It's okay, Dean.

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Re: Sorry

Post by guy on Mon Oct 27, 2014 5:46 pm

Also, thanks.
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Re: Sorry

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